In a stunning display of sheer raw political power, President Donald Trump brought his professional wrestling show to rural Pennsylvania, an area where normally no Republican dare show his face. Although billed as a spring training exhibition in preparation for the summer season of relentless barnstorming, THE DONALD was in full mid-season form. All America and the world had the opportunity to preview the performances to come.
It was a dazzling display of genius the likes of which few have ever experienced before. He bragged about himself. He denounced his opponents as losers. Then he bragged about himself. Finally, he mentioned the local candidate’s name. Then he closed by bragging about himself again. Truly it is always about him.
Consider the obstacles the Republican candidate had to overcome to try to eke out a victory in this foreboding territory. It was a district which had voted Republican by 20% in the 2016 presidential election, a daunting hurdle for any Republican congressional candidate to overcome. At the congressional level there hadn’t even been a Democratic candidate in the past two elections so how could a Republican candidate this time around have gained any campaign experience? Even before that, Republican congressional candidates had won with 65% of the vote. It’s no wonder the Democrats smelled blood. What district was more ripe for a Democratic takeover than this one save perhaps for an Alabama Senate race?
The trepidation in the Republican camp was palpable. How could any Republican expect to win under such circumstances? Not to worry. Here to save the day from the Democratic deluge was THE DONALD. He alone would rescue the Republican candidate. The 38% President would unleash his full power to energize the base, rally the troops, and prevent the Democratic candidate from winning in the overwhelming Republican district by 3-5% of the vote anticipated by the polls. And he succeeded. The Democrat barely won! What an example of star power by THE DONALD. Is it any wonder that people in the White House were high-fiving all through the night in celebration of THE DONALD’s prowess?
The reaction by Republican congressional candidates elsewhere was swift. People are pouring out in droves to run for office as Republicans. They know that if they are in a safe Republican district that voted Republican in the 2016 race by 20% or more they have a real shot at victory. And if they are not sure, the vaunted and time-tested presidential professional wrestling show is ready to be there to support them. Remember when Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus traveled the land bringing laughter and joy to millions around the country? So too THE Donald professional wrestling show will do this summer. No summer tour by any rock star anywhere in the world will compare to the extravaganza of THE DONALD PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING SHOW. It is staggering to behold how many additional Congressional seats the Republicans are poised to win with THE DONALD out in front leading them to victory!
Who wouldn’t want to be a Republican candidate in a district won by Crooked Hillary?
Who wouldn’t want to be a Republican candidate in a district THE DONALD won by up to 5% of the vote?
Who wouldn’t want to be a Republican candidate in a district THE DONALD won by 5-10% of the vote?
Who wouldn’t want to be a Republican candidate in a district THE DONALD won by 10-20% of the vote?
Who wouldn’t want to be a Republican candidate in a district where there is a Democratic opponent?
Remember if it hadn’t been for the illegal alien vote in Pennsylvania, the Republican candidate would have won in a landslide. What about all the buses from California filled with brown people from Trumphole countries that suddenly appeared on election day? There should be a special counsel to investigate how Crooked Hillary and the foreign-born Moslem former president packed the polls with illegal voters. The Pennsylvania vote was rigged.
Trump tweet to Putin: Where were you when I needed you? You need to up your game for the violation of the American vote in 2018.
Remember, it is always about him except when there’s a loss. Then it can’t be due to him because he is not a LOSER!
HUSH MONEY PAID TO TILLERSON
In a related event on a busy political day, former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson has received $130,000 in hush money not to talk about the President of the United States as a stupid ignorant moron. Once again the personal lawyer of the President woke up one morning and out of the goodness of heart and because he is a morally superior being decided to help another person in distress. Once again he decided on his own initiative to do something about it. Once again he went to his home equity line to draw another $130,000 in hush money. Once again he made sure that his home equity line is big enough to handle all the additional payments to come during the forthcoming spring house cleaning. And once again he was stiffed by not being reimbursed. PLUS HE CAN NOT EVEN DEDUCT ALL THE INTEREST ANYMORE THANKS TO THE TAX BILL.
The Huckabee Huckster accidentally confirmed the payment of the hush money by referring to a binding arbitration victory in the courts. Let there be no doubt about it. Former Secretary Rex Tillerson in not permitted to speak about our immature child president being a stupid ignorant moron. Any reporter who asks Tillerson about the President being a stupid ignorant moron can only be answered with a “No comment, as per the arbitration agreement.” Any talk show host who asks Tillerson about the stupid ignorant moron can only be answered with the same “no comment.” Although it is anticipated that the house cleaning will lead to additional hush money payments, no decision has been made if the Republicans cleansed from the House of Representatives are also entitled to hush money.
HOUSE UNINTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE FINDS NOTHING (It was a busy political day)
The House Unintelligence Committee wrapped up its investigations by declaring there is no proof that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, no proof that Osama bin-Laden was responsible for 9/11, and no proof that the United States ever put a man on the moon. The Bull Trump network immediately thanked the House Unintelligence for a job well done.
Which one is in Congress?
Why wait for April 1? Everything is faster now.