Subscribe to the IHARE Blog

State of American History, Civics, and Politics

A Tweet Taxonomy for a Very Little Man: Bringing Order to Trump’s Chaos

Twins with no sense of decency (Leonard Mccombe/The LIFE Images Collection, via Getty Images, (left); Patrick Semansky, via Associated Press, (right).

The news media is failing the American people. It is failing the American people by continuing to treat the very little man as if he were an adult. The burden has now fallen to Twitter to try to monitor what the media should have been doing all along.

Anderson Cooper is facing the truth about our immature child president. He has referred to his hissy-fit tweets as “schoolyard.” Exactly right. What else should you expect from a seventh-grade-smart-aleck-dumb-aleck? What took you so long?

Cooper also has called Little Donnee Waney “a little man.” He did so repeatedly in fact. In the segment I heard, I kept waiting for Cooper to add the word “very” but he didn’t. Still, he looks as if he has reached the point where enough is enough.  Perhaps it is because America is at 100,000 dead on this President’s watch and he still rates himself a “10” who wouldn’t change a thing. Perhaps it is because of the incessant unfounded assaults on Joe Scarborough. Perhaps it is because of the complete lack of empathy and sympathy by the very little man. Perhaps it is because of another racial incident during the presidency of the Racist in-chief. Perhaps it is because of his willingness to jeopardize the health of Americans by not wearing a mask. Perhaps it is because of the absurd miracle cures the scam artist peddles to the desperate people who accept him as their Lord and Savior, the Chosen One, Blessed Be his name. Perhaps it is all of the above and today was just the day when the straw broke the camel’s back for Cooper.

The time is long past due when the news media should stop treating Little Donnee Waney as an adult. The time is long past for the news media to follow the example of Twitter. Instead of simply reporting on what he said and expressing some rage, the media needs to be more organized and disciplined. It is tiring hearing people talk about how the immature child erupted today at the White House and/or on Twitter. That’s what eight year olds do. They have tantrums. A child having a tantrum is no more news than tracking the eruptions of Old Faithful is. His tantrums may not be quite as regular but that happen frequently enough to know that tantrum tweets, tantrum press conference exchanges, and tantrum political rallies are par for the course.

Don’t report his tantrums as news. Classify them.  Here is a system I proposed last September (Bringing Order to Chaos: Creating a Trump Taxonomy). It’s a suggestion on how to fill a need. You may have your ideas. That’s fine as long as something is done to systematize the Little Man’s comments instead of treating everything one up.

  1. Trumps – Little Donnee Waney is incapable of telling the truth except by accident. So far he has trumped over 12,000 times [obviously outdated!]. In this instance, the number of occurrences is being tracked. Unfortunately news organizations do not display a bar chart with the ever increasing numbers or announce each day how many additional trumps were told the previous day.
  2. Hissy fits – Here is where the seventh-grade-smart-aleck-dumb-aleck is in his natural habitat. It is easy to see how much he enjoys demeaning people. He demeans people as individuals, by ethnicity, by race, by religion, by appearance and he has great fun doing so. He especially enjoys responding to criticisms about him by others by insulting them personally. He would not rape someone because she is not his type but did not volunteer what his type was.
  3. Bozos – This category refers to the statements by the very stable genius that display his true ignorance. Who knew that Canada burned the White House after the patriots captured the airports? Who knew that 306 Electoral College votes was a landslide? It is important to distinguish between bozos and trumps. If he says that two plus two equals five, then you need to make a determination. Does he know that the correct answer is four and deliberately misstated the answer? That is a trump. Or is he genuinely ignorant of the correct answer? In that case, it’s a bozo.
  4. Alabamas – This is a new term for a long-time action of his. When the immature child is caught in a mistake, whether an honest one or a bozo or a trump, what is his reaction? He always doubles down. He never admits he made a mistake. He will demand other people who work for him to trump at the cost of their integrity and possibly their job if that what it takes to cover up his mistake. He will never man up, he will always carry on like the immature child he is. In the classifying of actions as Alabamas, one always needs to link them to the underlying bozo or trump that made the Alabama necessary. The database needs to have cross-referencing capabilities. [One day the Sharpie he used to mark the path of the hurricane will be in the Unpresidential Library.]
  5. Ka-chings – Part of the reason for his running for President was to make money. As President, he has worked ceaselessly to bring home the bacon. If China offered to build Trump Resorts in the South China Sea, he would have caved in a moment. [Probably not true now.] It’s all about the Benjamins. We need a running tally of the ka-chings both as to the number and the dollar value.
  6. Swamp Builder – There once was a time when some news outlets tracked the number of resigned appointees in this administration. Clearly far from hiring the best people available, he aims for people like himself – people who know how to game the system, people who sexually assault or harass women, people who are ignorant. As long as they are loyal to him what does he care? And if he does hire a competent and honest person, how long do such adults last in the White House anyway? How many appointees have there been and how many turned out be ignorant criminal scam artists…including those who still are in power?
  7. Flip Flops – If you do not like what he says, wait a while and he may say the opposite; if you do like what he says, do not count your chickens before they are hatched. He will release his tax returns. He will release his tax returns after the IRS completes its audit. He will release his tax returns after hell freezes over. He will meet with Iran without pre-conditions. He never said he would. He will support gun control. No, he will not. You will have to pry his assault weapons from his small cold dead hands. Again there is a need for cross-referencing. The original pronouncement before he flips probably was a trump.
  8. Hide and Seek – The most transparent government in the history of the United States (classified as a trump) will reveal nothing. No law, no regulation, no subpoena, no court ruling will ever cause him to reveal anything. Based on the concept of six-degrees-of-separation, this means that everyone in the United States is prohibited from testifying against him because they have some connection to him. How many outstanding unanswered requests for information are there? Historians will want to know. [When will Scarborough and the Klausutis family sue him for everything he has?]
  9. Unfilled Promises – After the election he will sue each and every woman who accused him of sexual harassment. He will balance the budget. He will pay off the debt. He will bring back coal. He will present a beautiful beautiful health care plan. AND MEXICO WILL PAY FOR THE WALL!

Help make the life of future graduate students in history easier. The historians writing about this administration are going to need this information. The application of this classification system will change the way news is reported. Look at the power of Twitter to disrupt the White House and Trumpicans in but a single day. Imagine what would happen if every nasty cutie pie scum bogus charge was tracked, classified, and made visible for all the voting public to see? What are you waiting for?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.