A stunning archaeological discovery sheds new light on the life and times of the great ancient Egyptian builder and his modern counterpart. This unexpected and vividly-colored treasure shows Ramses II smiting the coronavirus. He is depicted in the traditional Egyptian pose for defeating the forces of chaos that threatened the stability and order of the country. This plague is no match for the Pharaoh of the Exodus. Like a miracle it will just disappear. Soon.
In case there was any doubt about the identity of the triumphant Pharaoh, a second discovery confirms it.
With proof positive that the king in question really is Ramses II, there is no doubt that he is the wartime leader who was victorious against the coronavirus…plus it proves he can vote in the Georgia elections.
Astute readers may suspect that Ramses II really did not fight the coronavirus. True enough. But he did have a moment of truth that called into question his fitness to be Pharaoh. The incident in question was the Battle of Qadesh. It was fought around 1275 BCE in what today is Syria. The foe was the Hittites from Anatolia now Turkey. For its time, it was a superpower showdown, a rare direct confrontation on land between the two major powers of the region.
At the time, Year 5 of his 67 year reign, Ramses was comparatively new to the throne. He followed a successful father who was a strong military figure. Although Ramses did not have bonespurs, he did have a strong need to prove himself as an alpha male.
So off he went with 20,000 soldiers marching across Sinai and Canaan into Syria. This army was an impressive force on a scale rarely seen. Along the way, some spies from the other side were captured. They provided intel on the movements of the Hittites. It was bogus intel and part of a ruse. As a result, Ramses charged full steam into a trap. He barely escaped with his life thanks in part to the first time in human history when the “cavalry” arrived in the nick of time.
Ramses, who was the most modest person in human history until now, described his escape as follows:
My shield bearer saw the vast number of enemy chariots hemming me in, he blanched and fear gripped him. He cried out to My Majesty, “…we stand alone amidst the foe…” Then said His Majesty, “Stand firm, steady yourself my shield bearer. I shall go for them like the pounce of a falcon, killing, slaughtering, and felling them to the ground. I Alone Can Fix It”
Ramses then strode forward looking like one of Patton’s tanks lumbering across the countryside until victory was his. The Syrian Square belonged to him. He dominated it.
My army came to praise me, [amazed] at seeing what I had done. ‘I like this stuff. I really get it. ‘People are surprised that I understand it. ‘Every one of these generals said: “How do you know so much about this fighting?” Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have gone into the military instead of running for president.’ I took on millions of foreign lands, I …alone fighting the foreign armies.
So great was his victory that Ramses displayed it throughout the land in living color. Giant billboards of Egypt’s action hero appeared everywhere so the people could bask in the brilliance of their wartime king who had vanquished the forces of chaos.
Not exactly. There was a battle. The consensus among Egyptologists that at best for Egypt, the battle was a draw. Ramses failed to make any headway against the Hittites. However that did not prevent him from rating his performance a “10” and declaring he would not do anything differently. And that is the message his Fox propaganda network communicated to the Egyptian people throughout the land on its billboards.
What are the lessons for today?
Part of the reason Egyptologists don’t accept the government propaganda version of the battle is because an alternate version survives. Not only did the Hittites remain in Syria, not dislodged by the Egyptian king, they knew the message of the Egyptian propaganda. Later the Hittite king Muwatallis objected to the Egyptian portrayal of the battle: You fought alone? Really? Why should I trust you now in our treaty negotiations when you can’t even tell the truth about the battle? But Ramses wouldn’t budge. He insisted his version was the truth.
Credibility is an important part of international diplomacy. So is competence. Ramses could say whatever he wanted in the domestic arena. But outside the area he controlled, the view of him was quite different.
When people in the lands of Canaan, Russia, and China, realized that the king and superpower had failed they reacted as you would expect them to have reacted. They saw an opportunity to free themselves from Egyptian rule and they took it.
Here’s what I wrote over one year ago:
The rest of the world is already ahead of the Trumpicans. They learned that THE DONALD is merely a character in the professional wrestling arena and not a real person. They know when Bonespur Boy is forced to go into the arena in the real world that he will back down.
“If we were to believe everything Trump has said for the past three years, there would have been war with China, North Korea and Mexico,” said Joseph Fahim, an Egyptian film critic. “The guy’s a joke, he’s not serious. We don’t know if these threats are something to believe in, or just another of his many stunts.” (Iran Does Not Watch Fox: The Real World and the 2020 Elections, June 19, 2019)
Even before the coronavirus, he was a laughing stock. People laughed at him to his face at the General Assembly; they told jokes about him behind his back at international gatherings; they flew baby Trump blimps of him. Now Little Donnee Disinfectant has provided on indelible image of how much of a simple-minded ignorant immature child he really is. He is a buffoon everywhere even on Russian television. The proof that the world no longer takes him seriously can be seen in the actions of Russia and China. They know he is a weakling, a loser, and have no fear of him. Finally the European Union has called his bluff on coronavirus “happy talk”: Americans are not welcome here unless they quarantine first.
Regarding Ramses false propaganda in the Battle of Qadesh, Egyptologist Mark Janzen wrote:
Yet there must have been numerous individuals ⸺ soldiers, officials, etc., ⸺ who knew the truth of the situation, namely that the campaign was unsuccessful…and word of this must have spread.
The same here. Inside the White House and the Beltway, how stupid a human being would you have to be not know that the President of the United States was a simple-minded ignorant immature child? Think of the books which have been published. Think of the recent disclosure by Carl Bernstein about the transcripts of the phone calls with international leaders. Did Anonymous leak those transcripts? Are the adult professionals in the White House tired of having this seventh-grade-smart-aleck-dumb-aleck constantly berate and belittle people for doing their jobs? Have they had it with the transfer/firing of people who placed loyalty to the Constitution and the security of the country above loyalty to a person solely focused on his reelection, who defers to alpha males, and who conducts himself like a narcissistic infant?
There is a limit to how long you can live a lie. There comes a time when all the “happy talk,” miracles, and embers just doesn’t cut it. Trumpican governors in Arizona, Florida, Georgia, and Texas have reached that point. They no longer have the option of being good vassals to the crown. His imaginary world doesn’t cut it in the real world. They can’t go along with the government propaganda anymore. They can’t pretend the battle was won … especially if anyone in their state wants to travel to Europe for business or pleasure. Who knows what parts of the world will quarantine them next. So much time lost. So much time wasted. So many people dead. All because they went along with the hype that the very stable genius had things under control.
That leaves just the people to catch on to the truth. Ramses disseminated his message of victory throughout the land using stone. Now the failed leader uses Twitter and Fox. Trumpicans like the ancient Egyptians and mainland Chinese receive their news only from one source – the government propaganda machine. The ancient Egyptian people never caught on to Ramses’s shortcomings. The American people who voted for him in 2016 are starting to catch on. They are recognizing that the country they love is now a world laughingstock. They are recognizing that the hospitals in their communities are being overwhelmed. They are slowly learning that real men do wear masks and real Americans can become infected and die. They know they can’t go to Europe. And if the Democrats aren’t buying commercials on Fox to connect Trumpicans to the real world, then their intelligence can be questioned, too. The coronavirus keeps spreading in the real world. We are not Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Uganda or Europe. We are a loser and all the world knows it. Even Trumpicans are learning it too: our leader failed us and he still hasn’t learned it.
P.S. There is one other alternate source of information about the reign of Ramses II, Pharaoh of the Exodus. Unfortunately Cecil B. DeMille didn’t include the Battle of Kadesh or the Canaanite uprisings in his version. That’s another movie.