Donald Trump, our Lord and Savior, the Chosen One, Bless be His Name, has tweeted that director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Anthony Fauci and Governor Andrew Cuomo have been fired under his powers of Article 2 where he can do anything. The Very Stable Genius, the smartest person in the room as long as it is a morgue or a nursery school with no adults present, thanked them for their work and then sent them on their way.
Did anyone think that when the Vice President of the United States was put in charge of the crisis team that it meant that he would be in charge? That he would be making the presentations to the American people? If you thought that then you shouldn’t be a reporter and probably not a voter either. Vice President Brown Nose knows his place and it is not center stage. That position is reserved. Your job is to genuflect and sing my praises at least once every five sentences.
Obviously Fauci did not get the memo. He thought that as the professional in the field, the American people should hear from him. He did not realize that the uncle of our Lord and Savior, the Chosen One, Blessed Be His Name, was a supergenius and that the medical people were amazed at much the President absorbed and understood what they were saying. Therefore Fauci was superfluous. He was retained only by the kindness of our sympathetic, empathetic and pathetic President.
And how did Fauci replay this kindness? By hogging the center stage, by continually correcting the false information communicated by the Very Stable Genius, and even boasting of these actions to the media. Such disloyal actions cannot be tolerated. Remember what happened to Mick Mulvaney when he said “Of course we tried to extort the Ukrainian president. That’s how the game’s played. Get over it.” He’s I Ireland now. The 79-year old Fauci is even older than Biden, older than Sanders, as old as I will be when I start my third term. It’s time for Fauci to spend some time with his family and stop complaining about only getting three hours of sleep each night.
As for Cuomo, what can be said about the Queens bro. We grew up together as longtime Democrats and Clinton supporters with very successful fathers. Now look at you. Holding daily press briefings on your own. Displaying a command of the data instead of rambling all over the map with disjointed thoughts. Having an organized presentation using PowerPoint. Sticking to a planned performance while also speaking without a script. Showing sympathy. Showing empathy. Not making it all about you. These characteristics are unforgivable. If you were the Democratic nominee for President, I would be in big trouble now. You are too visible!
Now it is time for the Very Stable Genius to show who is boss. Now it is time for the smartest person in the room to save America. Now it is time to show that I should not be added to Mount Rushmore but should have my own mountain. Now I will reveal to the world my plan to save it. It will be so brilliant and so great that people will be in awe of it.
What are the prime factors in making such a plan?
First, it is all about me.
Second, it is all about me.
Third, it is all about me.
That means I must be re-elected as America’s greatest president and keep my immunity. Look at what happens when all your life you are pond-scum slime and it finally catches up with you. Did you see what happened to Epstein? Suicide? Did you see what is happening to Weinstein? A medically broken man who can barely hold himself up even with assistance! I can’t let that happen to me. Got to be re-elected. Got to get the Dow Jones back up where it should be.
Why not just let everyone go back to normal and America rise from the dead by Easter? Let’s see what happens and focus on the bad spots like New York City.
Suppose Americans die? How many? Worst case scenario: If every American got the coronavirus and 1% died that would be about 3.3 million people? But suppose the economy was saved. Is that acceptable? They keep saying you can’t put a price on human life but we do that all the time. Ever hear of life insurance? How about the 9/11 commission that distributed the money after I had the tallest building in Lower Manhattan? Of course, we can put a price on human life and as the president with no empathy and no sympathy I am the best qualified person to do it.
Suppose instead of 100% of the people getting the coronavirus only 50% do based on common predictions, only 1.65 million people died, and the economy was saved. Is that acceptable?
Suppose the doctors who predict 20% of the people getting the coronavirus are right, only 660,000 people died, and the economy was saved? That’s less than he people who died in the Civil War. Is that acceptable?
Suppose we have mitigated the curve and continue to do so in the bad spots? Is that acceptable?
And how many people have died so far anyway> How does that compare with the number of people murdered annually? The number who commit suicide? The number in car accidents? The number from drug overdoses? We don’t close the country because of those actions do we? And the number of coronavirus deaths is less than any of those yet alone all of them.
We know how Abraham’s bargaining with the Lord over the destruction of Sodom worked out. We don’t know how it will play out in the mind of our immature child president who is not capable of having such a discussion and instead relied his gut and Fox.
And whatever decision I make, how am I going to explain it to the American people? In my usual baby talk? By making it all about me? By calling the dead “collateral damage”? In another disastrous Oval Office address written by idiots and delivered by a moron? Trumpicans will believe anything I say, college-educated women won’t. But in times of trouble, people want a leader. Regardless of what I do as long as I am doing something as the leader my poll numbers will go up. But suppose my plan doesn’t work, can I talk my way out of it even with Putin’s and Fox’s help?
The countdown has started. Invisible Joe Biden has until just before Easter to become relevant.